Telling the truth

My name is Chrissy and this is my first journal entry...ever...on any site. Hopefully I will get better at this in time. 
So, I am new to MicroGiving and I think it is a great site.  I've been browsing the forums, profiles, reading comments, and just getting familiar with how things are set up.  Some profiles come off as begging, others seem so genuine.  Some profiles that I read make me wish that I could sign up as a donor instead of a recipient.
I feel stupid  asking for money when I read about these families that need so much more help than mine.  Especially the people with medical conditions and the peopole who are disabled. The government just leaves them hanging.  It's really screwed up! The disibility and SSI amount they get is a joke. How is ANYONE suppose to live on that...let alone a disabled person! 
I have a confession that I need to get off my chest. I signed up hoping that I would get help for my grandma but I'm starting to feel like a begger and it is embarassing.  To be honest, I really want to go to the Donor's profiles and say something like "I'm new to MG and just wanted to say hi" just so they notice me and then maybe they will donate.  I'm not going to do that because it is obvious that I am trying to get them to help my situation.  I see others doing it and I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted.  Lol. 
I know that a good way to draw attention to our profile is to join in the forum discussions, but I kind of feel like people are going to think that I'm just trying to promote my request for money...probably because I am and because that is what it seems like they are doing, not all of them, but a lot of them. I mean that is why I signed up.   I know that a lot can be learned here and that I can get more out of this site than donations, but the truth is that I'm so worried that my grandma is going to lose her house....that all I care about right now is getting the donations. And I feel embarassed about it because if I try to pretend that I am here for anything else right now, people will see right through it. 
I've been trying to think of what I should write in my journal that will make me seem like a real person who people can relate to and I couldn't think of anything other than I hope someone will help. Maybe I didn't pick the best topic and I hope I don't sound selfish even though I am feeling selfish . But honesty is the best policy and I just wanted to write how I am feeling right now. I will probably delete this entry tomorrow.