Well...Another Day

Well...Another DayAnother day has turned to darkness. I wish my ex husband would just leave me alone. How can I ever make it through this if he just keeps popping up here and there. Not physically of course. Hes 3000 miles away but hes still "there" in my heart and my tortured mind. He informed me that he is now dating again. Jesus I havent even had a chance to get my California Id yet. He didnt waste any time. It makes me wonder. I think the abuse was his way of pushing me to leave. And here I still sit uninterested in rebound relationships. Uninterested in relationships period. Nursing my wounded heart and self esteem. I can see things start to come together for me. I try to tell myself I will be ok but I am way beyond my comfort zone. There is no one but God to comfort me. I am working all the hours I can possibly work. If I were offered a second job I would take it for the simple distraction. How can he just bounce back like that? I assume I never meant anything to him either that or he was too young to know what real love was or just didnt care to find out. all I can ask at this point is why? Why did this man come into my life? Why? Why do I now have to go through the pain of losing him whenI was not looking for a relationship to begin with.I know I am not the only person who has gone through this but I just dont really feel integrated anymore. I feel alone. Even around other people. Half of my soul is gone even though he is cruel. I try not to be hateful or full or anger. Actually all I feel now is pain and loneliness. Sometimes I wish he had just killed me the night he went to jail. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am not the only woman who has had these thoughts. I pray for the day when I will rise up like a pheonix from these ashes and this heart rending pain will be gone.