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A Hard Story to share...
I knew if I was going to ask for help..I couldnt just tell half the story, I had to tell all of it...
Its going to be unbelievable to most , unless you have encountered the Family court System or "system" period.... I stayed silent for months here, watching and reading other's blogs comments... and knew then there are a few here that have encountered that system... and they would be the very ones that knew where I was coming from. I think it would be Becky and her husband first .. and then JT ( I think his name is)
I do have all the supporting documents that can back up everything I share... and it is not only a paper trail of the entire event(s) but a nightmare that I would hope someday... that I can help assure that it could NEVER happen to another child and their parent.
I have lobbied congress and I have tried to be a voice for other parents... my story will also be highlighted in a book that Senator Nancy Shaeffer of GA is in the process of writing. Bottom line is the system has it backwards...
I am what is referred to in the court system as a "Protective Mother." Not out loud so to say... but you can google the two words and see the horror of it... that happens every single day in Family Court...
If I didnt share my story... no one would fully understand the depth of why I am where I am and how I got there. At this moment, I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress . So even sitting here and writing it out will be very hard for me.. because I do not want to go there." So I am fighting "the forces within to get this done.
I will try my best to make it as short as possible... but it has been on going for a year and a half. Not the financual part of it... that just began in November/December of 08.
It was also actually done to me on purpose to cause me to struggle. In one of the blogs I think it was Becky that shared about how you stand a chance of loosing your kids if you are low income. I have found out this is so very true. Not only by way of CPS which is not the case in my situation... but when the other parent fights you for custody... and not for all the right reasons... but that of for all the wrong reasons.
You can truely not know a person, until they are at their worst. I was married for almost 17 years to the same person, to whom I thouht was the love of my life...but found out fast when I stood up for myself and our children..I was thrown into a nightmare...
In 2002 I learned of an affair.We went trough marriage counseling and I though it was ll going to be ok.
Within the results of that affiar he lost his job.Which meant we lost our home as well.I was crushed... it was back to back and it took a long tme to except it all as reality.
A job offer came in and we moved from NC to here in GA in 2004. We bought a beautiful home and I began to do horse rescue. We had the land and the funds to be able to do this. It had always been a passion of mine to rescue horses and I was finally able to fullfill that dream.It wasnt about just "having" them... it was about helping them and turning around and helping others with/through them.My oldest daughter and I would hold summer day camps to teach kids all about them. We also reached out to the children that are challanged to let them just come and bond and learn to ride. I was just getting ot off the ground so to ay and ....
Within one and a half years, I began to see the same red flags starting over again...and sure enough it was true.
So here I was in GA away from all my family and closest friends with 2 children and a husband that had just left us.
I had been a stay at homemom since our first child was born 17 years ago,I also homeschooled her because she has ADD. Our youngest daughter was adopted. She was just starting kindergarten . I chose not to homeschool her because she is such a social butterfly.
She is also mildly special needs...she was born testing postive for crack and later diagnosed with fetal alcohol effects. So one can say I sure had my hands full with both children... but I love every minute of it...I know its my purpose in life to be their mother.God chose me , and I am beyond grateful that He did.
But, once my husband moved out, he also didnt tell me he stopped paying the house payment. So once again, we lost our home.Luckly I found a house to rent within days and moved us in. I had no help and moved our things in my car until I could find someone to move the furniture. We slept on the floor for 3 weeks until that could happen.
We loved the house we moved into.. it was log cabin and had land so I was able to still keep the horses we had taken in . I began settin it all up to do summer days camps for kids again and my oldest daughter taught riding lessons so the horses basicaly paid for themselves.
We had been there almost a year and my landlord sold the house without ever warning me he was doing this. So once again we loose yet another home and had to move.
Mean while my husband ...soon to be x.. had been paying child support.,.he had a good job.,. the very one we had moved here for.
It was enough so that I could still remain at home with my children, and homeschool the oldest. Then something went terriably wrong....
I had to go out of town in Sept 07 and it was horse related.I was only going to be one 3 days and 2 nights. I was in the remote areas of Alaska so I couldnt be reached by phone.Trust me , the is no cell phone signals way out there!Unless you can climb to the top if a mountain and hold your cell phone up to the sky and pray for a bar or two to appear...put it on speaker from and start screaming.
When I returned home on the 3rd day.... I found that my youngest daughter was gone...
My X had taken her out of school and refused to bring her back.Also keeping her out of school.
Because we had no seperation agreement that specified visitation, there was nothing I could do. No Amber Alert could go out.The Police couldnt help me... no one could. Every day I was at the court house begging for someone to help me.
Finally one magistrate suggested I use" Family Violence" as a way to get it into court. As well as ask the school to bring it into court as truancy. The family Violence did work.... However before it could be heard , he did return her and she had been gone for almost a month. She also did not come back "unharmed."
A parents WORST nightmare...
That alone became a huge court battle...and I had to find an attorney and fast...I used every dime I had to do so...and it was in and out of court for over a year.
In the midst of that..I began taking on line classes because being a stay at home I knew was coming to an end.I had to be able to pay that attorney.But I had no skills... I had been a stay at home Mom for 17 years... so I knew going back to school was the only choice I had. So I began taking Animal Science classes in hopes to become a VET tech and assist in surgery.
I had gotten a few months into it and then the Child support stopped... I saw it coming... and filed contempt every time... but if you have endured the court system... you have to have several contempts filed before they will give you a court hearing.
I then went to Child Enforcment and as soon as I did he quit his job. So there I was in school,trying to better myself preparing for the worse and the "worst "came way TO fast.
So there I was .. had lost 2 homes..( and my marriage) and one rental b/c it was sold, my child had been taken, and "harmed (by way of a Drs findings and a forensics)..I was homeschooling one child, while the other was in therapy for what had happened to her... and fighting it in and out of court...and up against an attorney that was also a part time Judge(magistate court)...moonlighting so to say as a an attorney...and all I had was an attorney with his hand out" wanting more more more...
The court not giving me a court date for the contempts...so I had to drop out of school and get a job FAST. No one was hiring... and so I started cleaning houses... but its so hard to even find those in this economy.But I managed to find enough to make do.
Then in January of this year I came down with Pneumonia. My Dr gave me a a choice... stay in bed and rest or be put in the hospital.I had to choose staying at home because I had 2 children to also care for.So it took me longer to recooperate. I missed a whole month of work.Which meant no income coming in what so ever.
I went to my church and they had very little funds to help me with due to all benevolences are down right now in all churches....
But Feb. was here and rent was due...and I couldnt pay it. So I began to realize I had to start selling some horses... how heartbreaking for us all to have to do that.
March came and I still didnt have all the rent and was now a month behind. My landlord was not very understandinf my situation..and had an eviction notice served. I knew nothing about them... but I could understand his anger because its how he makes his own living.
I had given him what I had ($700) but he wanted it all.... then one morning a sherriff pulls up and 7 guys are walking up my driveway... then in pulls my landlord... and I am told they are here to put my stuff out.I BEGGED my landlord not to do this....I even explained I had a sick child inside who had the flu. (which she did)
I cant even put into words how that feels to be told we are here to move your things out by the street. When you know you have done everything you could... and to be hit back to back to back...I cried , I beged and i felt humilated... my nieghbors could see what was happening and mostly my 2 children inside thinking they have just lost their home (again).I will never forget the look on their faces as they were looking out the window. I felt like I had failed them.
It was one of the men that he had paid to come help set my things out that talked him into giving me more time.I think that man realized I was about to just fall to ground in disbelief of what was truly happening.So my landlord gave me 24 hours to come up with ALL the money.It was the 5th of the month so that made me 1 month behind and the 4rth day into March rent being due.Let me back up... I had been finally been given a court date... it was set to be heard in 1 week. I had asked him if he would please wait until that court date be/c I knew the Judge would make my x pay the arrears he owed. However, he would not wait....
So I had 24 hours... leaving my sick daughter at home with her older sister I went and had to do a title pawn on my car. I knew that within a week I would be able to walk back in there and pay the loan off because I sure couldnt afford to have not one more monthly bill.
I paid my landlord what I owed and then of all things the court date was postponed.Which is normal when someone is avoiding the outcome....and has a high dollar power attorney...which "aint" me!
It didnt make me any better off though beecause i had missed a month of work and was still tryin to cathc up on m y other bills and now I had another bill... that car loan payment .To which if you dont pay it... on the due date they have no grace period. They will come get your car. Then to get it back you have to pay off the whole loan.Mine is due on the 8th of every month which is a very bad due date!
April came and on the 8th I didnt have it all.. so for a few days I literly lived in fear they would take my car. So I had to take from my rent to pay that payment.Nor did I have all the rent payment but I sent what I had.. but it wasnt enough and he threatened eviction again...
So I am calling around getting as many houses to clean as I can... as fast as Ii could get them done... and then on my way to one last week... my car breaks down.
I am stranded.... I finally got it to go in 3rd gear and drive to the job... and make my way back home in 3rd. Only to learn its the transmission.
I get an estimate and its 1100.00.(OMG!!)
So here I sit with no vehicle, which means I cant get to work.Which means no money coming in..... and the 1rst of May is very soon and so is the 8th when the title loan is due....
So I know I am at high risk right now of l not only loosing my car... but my home.
The transmission shop will work with me..but they can't work with me if I cant get to work to pay them..which also means another montly payment that I have to make up for...and I just dont know how I can do it...
So I am in a mess....I have my rent coming up, I have a title loan hanging over me and I have no car.... not to mention all the emotional trauma I have been put through in the last almost 2 years and back to back to back to back.
Often times a person does feel like giving up...but I cant because I have 2 children who depend on me....
I keep telling myself that when God rained down mana... those people He fed werent just sitting around begging for a rescue... they were out doing something about their needs.Which was what I was doing until my car broke down.
Before that I was going to school to better myself... and had to stop and take on a job that would help me make more than just minimal wage.Which I have found I truely like!After being a stay at home for so long that is one thing I do know how to do and that is clean!
I keep the attitude "I cant be a victim I have to be a survivor"... but when life throws you blows like I have been thrown... you begin to wonder!When does it end?
The court system has not helped one bit...they allow people to get by with things that are just unexectable...
They also look at parents as if they are stugging then the child should be with the parent that isnt... and I fear that everyday...it does not matter who is behind in child support or what they have done... I have found that out in the worst of ways..and why I say the court system is backwards.
I will explain it better in detail later and it will be shocking! Just how backwards it truely is...
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